Within My Heart
by CelticWarriorMoon
Summary: Shameless Willenko fluff. Ashley Williams and Kaidan Alenko both know the ins and outs of their relationship, but it turns out that she has something to tell him... Summary sucks, I know. Please read and review! *RATED T FOR GOOD REASONS*


Within My Heart

It's at times like this that I really find it hard to believe just how lucky I am.

At those treasured times when I'm with my one and only.

Kaidan Alenko.

Ever since that disastrous mission on Eden Prime, a mission that went so horribly wrong that all my fellow Systems Alliance Marines' lives, except my own, had been lost, I haven't been able to deny it, and at this stage, extremely unlike me, I'm not even gonna try.

I won't try to deny that I'm in love with Kaidan.

Because I am. And that's the truth.

It started off so simple and innocent – with every day spent as part of the same squad, fighting for the same cause, travelling on the same ship, we had gradually built up a firm friendship. A_ very _firm friendship. We worked together, ate together, talked together, when we had time to talk, of course, and, over time, even gained the intimacy to call each other by our first names, which was practically unheard of on our ship, the _Normandy. _The only thing we were short of doing was taking that a step further – falling in love with each other.

Despite my best efforts to pull myself together, to convince myself that that was most certainly not the best route for someone like me to take – even that barrier was broken in time. Every minute spent in Kaidan's presence had me feeling like the only thing I wanted was (and I know it sounds totally off-the-wall, and insane to say so) to stay with him for ever and ever.

And every time he looked at me, I could tell he was wishing for the same thing, even though he was too shy to say so.

But eventually, both of us had to give in to our feelings. And that's what's got us where we are today.

One heck of a journey that'd been.

I'm relaxing in my bunk room on the powerful ship that we use to travel the galaxy, the Normandy, just minding my own business, and chilling. We're on course to the Citadel, the central hub of the galaxy's activity, if you like, for a few welcome moments of relaxation. To be honest, I think everyone needs it at this stage. Everything on deck seems to be just fine. Thankfully, our Commander, Jane Shepard, is just strict enough to maintain a sense of order around the place, but she's not too harsh, thank goodness. She's actually fairly easy to get on with, if you get on her good side. If you dont' – well, it's never happened, but I have enough sense to assume that the result would _not _be pretty.

As you can probably guess, it's not everyday that I – or any of our squad, for that matter - get to just relax like this. Normally, depending on what planet we've arrived on, it's all action stations, particularly when we've gone to one of those colonies that have been ravaged by the Geth in fairly recent times, like Feros, for example. It's important that we try our best to protect these civilisations – before they go the same way as that on Eden Prime did.

But, right at this moment, I'm not going to let myself think about these things. I have to admit, it sure is nice to have some downtime.

_It must be nice for Kaidan too, _I think to myself.

Actually, I know it is.

I suppose it's good for his personal health, more than anything else, to be able to just relax and unwind. You see, I managed to get it out of him recently that he, as I sort of, and I_ really_ don't know how, already expected, has some of those neurological L2 implants, which are highly controversial this side of the galaxy, due to their negative effects on an individual's brain. In short, he's a biotic. Although he's fairly lucky to have escaped the sort of damage expected from those – if you could say that. The only negative effect the implants have on him are occasional severe migraines, and even as I speak, he's trying to recover from one. And even trying to recover, the Commander still has him carrying out some important tasks for her.

The poor guy.

Oh well. I suppose some things just have to be done. And if things get too bad, at least he has me, I suppose. I never hear him complain about it.

Presently, snapping me out of these thoughts, I hear a knock on my door. I'm confused at first. Nobody does this, normally. But as I press the button on the control panel on the wall beside it, it slides open, and I'm relieved to see that it's only Kaidan, standing outside my room.

I smile at him, and he returns it. Even as he does this, I can see that he's trying to hide his exhaustion. Seeing his expression,I instantly know how he must feel. It's not like it's easy for any of us, but he really does get a lot of the hard work from our Commander.

There again, we all do. Who am I to say that?

"Kaidan," I say to him in greeting, "how are you?"

Again

He lets out a tired sigh, before replying, "Tired, to say the least. Not only has Shepard got a lot of work for me to do for her, but I have to do it with this overwhelming pain in my head, too."

He pauses, before continuing, "Never mind. It's not that bad, really, and it's not as if we have Saren or any of the Geth to worry about at this moment in time. We've done a lot for the galaxy and its civilizations so far, so we all figure it's time to head to the Citadel and cool off in the Flux or somewhere like that."

He smiles at me again, before saying, quietly, to me, as if he doesn't want me to hear, "Not that we can't do that right here, of course..."

It takes me a second to realise what he means.

But then I get it.

I most certainly get it.

_Oh, hell yeah._

"What's to say that we can't?" I reply, the merest hint of a cheeky smile playing on my lips, as I walk calmly over to him.

"Oh, Ashley," Kaidan says to me, in a low voice, as he casually walks into my room, "of course we can."

He presses the sensor on the door panel, and the door slides shut behind him, leaving us alone together.

Once we both make sure we're fully alone in my room, he walks over to where I am, and, without anaother word, gently sweeps me into his arms. He wraps his arms around my waist, and I wrap mine around his neck in return, laying my head against his chest as I do so, taking in the feel of his shirt against my face, and listening to the steady rhythm of his heart beating.

It stays this way for a few moments, before I feel Kaidan gently running his hand through my just below shoulder-length brown hair, whispering to me as he does so, "I really can't imagine being with anyone else, feeling this way towards anyone but you, Ashley."

How surprising – but totally sweet.

I'd never have expected him to come out with something like that, but why should he deny it at this stage?

"I can't either," I reply, and I doesn't take a lot of courage to say what I do next.

I look up at his face, and say to him, in a gentle voice, "I love you, Kaidan."

His hand freezes in position for the briefest second, before I hear his reply.

"I love you too, Ashley," he says to me, before he gently plants a tender kiss on my lips.

_Kaidan..._

With an inward cry of happiness, I return the kiss, relishing in the feel of Kaidan's lips against mine, and his warm body against my own. And it's strange – with that single act of love, I suddenly feel complete, as if never feeling this way towards someone before was a massive part of my life that I'd missed out on.

He starts to deepen the kiss, and pretty soon, I feel the pleasant sensation of his tongue gently touching mine, our mouths connected in the most passionate of ways.

I wish, more than anything, that this sensation could last forever...

Well, it doesn't, but that said, it lasts a pretty long time. Longer than I had expected, actually.

As we both continue kissing passionately, I feel Kaidan gently stroke my neck, his hand lingering on the skin, and I return this by gently running my hand over his upper back. A feeling that feels like the sharpest volt of electricity courses through me as I do so, and it's not too much to say that all I want at this moment in time is to just stop time in its tracks, and stay kissing Kaidan for ever and ever.

But, as much as we'd like to, neither of us has the power to do such a thing. Instead, after a few minutes or so of kissing and gently caressing, Kaidan breaks off from the kiss, and looks deeply into my eyes.

He stays silent for a few moments, and I momentarily, and somewhat uncharacteristically, allow myself to get lost in his brown eyes, before he says to me, in a low voice, "You really are beautiful, Ashley, you know that? Ever since I first set eyes on you that day on Eden Prime, I haven't been able to stop myself from thinking that about you."

Really? I'd never have thought it.

I feel like telling him to come off it, that I'm sure there are plenty of better-looking women in the galaxy to say that to instead of me, but, unlike me, I stay quiet.

Kaidan gently traces his hand along the edge of my face, and I say, in a quiet voice, in reply, "I've been thinking the same thing about you, actually..."

He looks surprised for a moment, but then he smiles as he realises what I mean. And why do I feel a little starnge for saying so? It's true. Ever since I first laid eyes on him, I haven't been able to stop myself from thinking that he's quite good-looking.

And trust me, it takes _a lot_ for me to think that about _anyone_.

He continues to stroke my face for a few moments, and I in turn do the same to his, before I feel his other hand carefully slide its way up under my undershirt, where it starts to gently stroke my back.

I quiver slightly under his touch, in anticipation, my senses now overloaded.

I can't stop myself from doing the same to him.

"So how about it?" I softly say to him, as I move my hand over his back, taking in the contrast between hard, firm muscle and smooth skin, "you and me..."

He gives me a satisfied smirk, as he replies, "Why ever not?"

I flashe him a happy smile, before he places both of his hands underneath my shirt, gently removing it from my body, leaving me wearing nothing on my upper body but my bra, and once he has done this, his hand lingers on my lower body, stroking the skin.

I feel my body quivering, aliitle more, but it's not because it's cold. On the contrary. It's because of... well, _other _things.

Things that are starting to escalate_ very _quickly.

And I'm not complaining.

As Kaidan's hands start wandering over my lower abdomen, I gently remove his shirt from his body, and run my hands over his chest, taking in the smooth, well-toned texture of his skin. Once again, I look into his eyes, and he looks into mine, and as he does so, I feel his hands on the band of my trousers, gently easing them down. I reciprocate this gesture, leaving us wearing nothing but our underwear.

We pause for a few moments, gazing into each other's eyes, before I feel Kaidan's arms around my waist, and his lips again making contact with mine, hard, and as he does so, he gently forces both of us in the direction of my bed. Once we get to it, the hard edge of the bunk causes me to fall onto it. I look up from where I'm lying, and see Kaidan's face – and body, close to mine on the bed.

With an inner sigh of complete happiness, I close my eyes, and sink back into the kiss, taking in every small movement - Kaidan's hands on my upper body, mine on the back of his neck, and the other gently moving over his upper back – and the warmth of his body directly beside, or more accurately, over mine. There's virtually no space directly between us, we're so closely cuddled up on my (small) bed.

Then, just a few moments later, I feel Kaidan gently undo my bra strap, and I allow my hands to wander further south along his body. There can be no more doubt about it - we're in love. A love so deep and complete and trusting, that this is what it has come to.

And I feel very, very, very happy about that.

I wouldn't change the way we are for the entire universe.

As we both deepen the kiss, our mouths open and our tongues sweetly connecting, I feel a mind-numbing, yet extremely welcome feeling of utter ecstasy envelop me, or, more accurately, both of us. The whole universe has been reduced to just the two of us, and nothing in between, as we both hold onto each other, and try and prolong the sensation for all we are worth...

...

"Kaidan?" I murmur, sleepily, not bothering to turn my head on the pillow. "Are you still there?"

"Still right here, Ash," is Kaidan's equally sleepy-sounding reply.

I turn over, and see that he is, indeed, with his arms wrapped tightly around me, pulling me closer to him. I smile at him, and he leans over to give me a quick kiss on the cheek, before I realise that we both must have ended up asleep after what we had been doing a few hours previous.

What were we doing, anyway...?

Then I remember – we had been, you know, making love to each other. With a burning passion that neither of us could deny. And it's not like I can forget – we're both still in my bed, under the covers, and minus our clothes. And I can feel something that I don't recall being on the side of my neck before. Slowly, I bring my hand up to my neck, and feel a small, hard mark there. Yep, I was right. Kaidan really did give me a love bite.

Not that I mind, although the Commander might...

That thought snaps me wide awake.

"Kaidan," I say to him, in a hushed yet urgent tone, "don't we have other things to do?"

I can see by the look on his face that I'm right.

"Yes, we do, actually. I'm sure that the Commander has work she needs my help with."

He gently unfolds his arms from around my waist, and pulls back the covers on his side of the bed. As he does so, I too, reluctantly, get up from the bed, and pick up my clothes from where they're in a heap on the floor. As I do so, out of the corner of my eye, I catch Kaidan staring at me, in what I presumed to be, you know, that sort of way. Although of course I don't mind, and he knows it.

When we eventually get our clothes back on, after another brief few moments spent kissing, Kaidan gently runs his hand over my neck, and says to me, "I think we'd better keep this to ourselves, Ash. And if you don't want anyone finding out, I'd keep that covered if I were you." He gestures to the love bite on the side of my neck, the one he gave me when we were making out.

"I'll try my best," I answer, although I get the feeling that sooner or later, the Commander will find out, and there was no telling what would happen if she did...

After running his hand through my hair, and giving me another quick kiss on the lips, Kaidan says to me, "Well, if we really don't want anyone to know, I think I'd better go before they find us together in here."

I really don't want him to leave, but I know he's right.

"Okay," I reply as he goes to the door control panel, and opens the door. "I'll see you later, Kaidan."

He pauses at the door, and turns around to me, before saying to me, "You too, Ashley."

The door slides shut behind him, and I once again am left on my own, wondering what will happen to both of us now.

...

A few weeks later, after a particularly dangerous mission that I couldn't take part in due to my recent... health issues, and the truth finally has to be told. It can't stay hidden forever, I guess. I knew there was bound to be someone who would notice that Kaidan was acting differently, and I wouldn't be surprised if that someone happened to be a certain Jeff "Joker" Moreau. Not in the least. It has happened more than once that he's been to blame for all our secrets being revealed – an even a few of Shepard's, come to think of it.

The Commander enters my bunk room, a faint look of concern on her face, and approaches where I'm lying in bed, feeling very unwell, and very sorry for myself. The worst thing is, I don't really know what has got me under the weather recently, but I've boiled it down to two choices - I've either contracted some sort of disease, or I'm pregnant.

Which, the more I think about it, seems very, very likely after the sort of thing me and Kaidan have been doing together recently...

The Commander sits down on the edge of my bunk, and says to me, "What's got you feeling so unwell, Williams?"

I shake my head, and reply, in a low voice, "I don't know, ma'am."

She gives me a quizzical look, before continuing, evenly, "I've noticed two things recently - you've been very sick, and you've been spending a lot of time with Kaidan Alenko."

I swallow. How did she know?

"How do you know about Kaidan and me?" I ask, puzzled. This was exactly the sort of thing we were trying to avoid...

"Joker managed to get it out of Kaidan that you and him are more than just good friends," is the even reply. "And that you've been... doing things." Her gaze moves down to the red mark on my neck, and I know that I've been caugh red-handed.

But this was Commander Shepard I was talking to. Why should I have to hide the truth from her?

I don't see any good reason to.

Clearing my throat, I manage to say, "Well, me and Kaidan have been spending a lot of time together, and we have doing things together..."

Then it hits me, like a shot fired from the most powerful of weapons this side of the galaxy.

It suddenly dawns on me because of all we had been getting up to with each other, that the reason I've been so unwell, and I haven't been myself lately is probably because... because I'm pregnant.

Not hard, when you think about what we had been getting up to.

And now, I'm undoubtedly carrying Kaidan's child inside my own body.

The Commander casts a look in my direction, and I reply, truthfully, "It must be, then..."

"Must be what?" she asks, "what I think it might be?"

I just nod my head in reply.

A look that seems to be a cross between shock and happiness slowly appears on my commanding officer's face, and it looks like she can't decide whether to scold me or congratulate me, or to even say anything at all. I can't say I blame her, either. As much as I love Kaidan, I'd never really thought about starting a family with him.

Not even once.

Then a most unexpected reply comes from the Commander's mouth, after a few moments of shocked silence.

"Congratulations, Williams," she says to me, after a brief pause. "Your first child. I'm sure both you and Kaidan will make wonderful parents." She allows herself a rare smile, and hearing someone like her say something like that to me is enough to make me feel better.

I know that she's right, actually. I'm pretty certain that Kaidan would make a good, sensible father, and me? Well, let's just say that the kid would end up having one of the best, and certainly toughest, families in the galaxy.

I smile to myself at the thought, and say in reply, "Thanks. I'm sure we will – and even if we don't, well, the kid won't get very far with you to deal with as well!"

The Commander and I laugh to ourselves at that thought, then she says to me, "I suppose the father-to-be had better know, hadn't he?"

"Of course, ma'am," I reply, and as I do, my commanding officer gets up from the bed and makes for the door.

"I'll go and inform him, then," she says to me, as she opens the door, adding, "I hope this doesn't give you too much trouble."

"Nothing I can't handle, ma'am," I say, in reply, even though I know she's probably right. I don't know that, necessarily. I've never had a child before. How in space would I know what to expect?

The Commander stops in the middle of the doorway, and turns in my direction.

"Glad to hear it. That's the spirit, Williams," she says to me, before she heads off down the corridor to inform Kaidan.

After she leaves, with a greater effort than normal, I pull back the sheets that cover me, and watch the door for a few moments. It's not long before I see it open again, and see the familiar form of Kaidan enter my bunk room. After we exchange a quick smile in greeting, he walks over to me and sits on the edge of my bunk, beside me.

"How are you feeling, Ash?" he asks me, in a soft voice, as he gently places his arm around my shoulders.

"I've had better days," I reply, in a tired voice.

But even though physically I feel terrible, inside I couldn't feel better.

_Kaidan and I are going to have a child together._

Even the thought of that...!

After a brief silence, he says to me, "So, what's up with you then? The Commander informed me that there was something you needed to tell me."

_Oh, yes, there is, there definitely is. Just wait until you hear it,_ I think to myself.

Taking a deep breath, and giving Kaidan the most radiant of smiles I can manage, I look deeply into his warm, dark eyes and say to him, distinct pride in my voice, "I'm pregnant."

It takes a little longer than I expect for my words to sink in, but when they do, a look of deep happiness – and pride – appears on Kaidan's face, as he realises the depth of the situation.

It looks like he really can't believe it, that, even though he knows what we had been doing a while back, he's profoundly astonished at the news.

"You're – you're having a child?_ Our _child?"

I nod my head proudly, and reply, "Yes I am."

Again, Kaidan looks like he doesn't know what to say, that he's completely awe-struck by the situation. I don't blame him, either. The sheer wonder of it all is almost too much for me – even as the mother-to-be – to bear.

After hesitating for a few more moments, he says to me, in a low voice, "That's great news, Ash. I – I don't know what to say."

Slowly, I raise my hand and lay it on his face, where I start to stroke the skin tenderly, as I answer, "I'm sure you'd make a wonderful father, Kaidan."

He looks at me fondly, before anwering, "I'm sure that you'd make a wonderful mother, Ashley."

We stay there for a few more moments, gazing deeply into each others' eyes, and after silently doing so for what feels like a very long time, Kaidan leans over and kisses me, passionately, on the lips. Again, this sends my senses into overdrive, and coupled with the wonder of my – our – situation, I lean into the kiss, and as I do so, I feel Kaidan tenderly place his hand over my stomach, stroking it with gentle, circular motions.

As I allow the sweet, yet electrifyingsensation to envelop my body, I can't remember a time where I felt so... so complete.

So peaceful and happy.

And, deep within my heart, I feel safe in the knowledge that whatever challenges face both me and Kaidan in the years ahead, we'll be able to take it like the brave soldiers we are.


End file.
